Think You’ve Wasted the First 20 Days of Ramadan? Read This Before Tonight.

Twenty days of Ramadan… gone.

I blinked and suddenly we’re here. The third Friday of Ramadan. When the month began, I had a clear picture in my head of what my Ramadan would look like. I had goals... real goals. I was going to wake up regularly for Tahajjud, read the Qur'an slowly with reflection, make long thoughtful duas, and keep distractions away as much as possible. I imagined a calm Ramadan where my days felt intentional and my nights felt deeply connected to Allah.

I thought Ramadan would slow life down. Instead, life kept running and I kept trying to catch my breath.

Work kept moving. Responsibilities stayed exactly where they were. Sleep schedules became unpredictable. Some days felt like a blur between suhoor, work, iftar, son's exams and trying to gather enough energy to make it through the next day. I kept telling myself I would slow down tomorrow. Tomorrow I would read more Qur’an. Tomorrow I would sit down and make a proper dua list. Tomorrow I would catch up.

And somehow tomorrow kept moving forward.

Before I realized it, twenty days had quietly passed. When that thought landed, I felt something many people feel around this time but rarely say out loud. I felt like I was failing spectacularly. I had started Ramadan with so many intentions, and yet here I was wondering where the days had gone.

If this resonates with you, you’re not alone.

There is a quiet disappointment that creeps into the middle of Ramadan. You start remembering the goals you made on the first night. The version of yourself you hoped would emerge by the middle of the month. And suddenly it feels like you’re behind on everything. Behind on Qur’an. Behind on worship. Behind on the spiritual progress you imagined.

But today I decided to pause instead of rushing forward with that feeling.

After Fajr and morning adhkar, I gave myself a little space to reflect. I prayed Ishraq and Duha, and then I sat down with a notebook. Not to write a long list of things I failed to do, but to ask myself three simple questions.

• Where am I right now in my relationship with Allah?
• What distracted me or pulled my attention away during these past twenty days?
• And most importantly, what do I want the end of this Ramadan to look like?

Those three questions change the tone of everything. Instead of feeling like Ramadan is slipping away, I began to see that I still have time to realign my intentions.

And this timing matters more than we think.

Because tonight may be the beginning of the nights in which we search for Laylat al-Qadr. A night that the Qur’an describes as better than a thousand months. When I really took a pause and thought about that, it shifted the entire perspective. Twenty days may have passed, but the most valuable nights of Ramadan are still ahead.

So instead of focusing on what didn’t happen earlier in the month, this is the moment to simplify things and focus on what truly matters.

This is how I’m preparing myself for the next ten days/nights.

The first thing I’m doing is starting with my duas.

Most of us make dua in scattered moments. Something crosses the mind, we ask for it. Another worry appears, we ask for that too. There’s nothing wrong with that. But I’ve realized my heart feels calmer when my duas are a little more organized, when I know what I’m actually asking Allah for.

So I’m dividing my duas into three parts.

The first part is for my life in this world. I’m asking for health, for protection over my family, for ease in work, for peace of mind. I’m asking Allah to put barakah in the things that already exist in my life, the things I often overlook because they feel ordinary.

The second part is for my hereafter. This is where the deeper requests come in. Forgiveness for the sins I remember and the ones I’ve forgotten. A softer heart that responds when it hears the Qur’an. Protection from the same mistakes I keep falling into. And guidance to slowly become the person I hope to be in the sight of Allah.

The third part is for my parents. For my spouse and children. For friends who are quietly carrying burdens I may not even know about. For people who are struggling somewhere in the world. For the Ummah. Even for people who may have hurt me. I’ve realized these are the duas that stretch the heart the most.

Once my duas are clear, the nights start to feel different. I’m no longer just raising my hands and searching for words. I know what I’ve come to ask for.

Then comes the next part: how I want to approach the nights ahead.

I’m not planning an extreme schedule. I’m not trying to stay awake the entire night if my body can’t manage it. I’ve learned that sincerity matters more than exhaustion.

So my plan is simple.

Pray Isha and Taraweeh without rushing, not thinking about the next task. Just being present.

After that, I’ll allow myself some rest if I need it. And then I want to wake up again in the last part of the night, even if it’s only for a short while. That quiet part of the night feels different. The world is silent, and the heart somehow speaks more honestly.

I’ll pray a few units of prayer. Then I’ll sit with the Qur’an again. Even if I only reflect on one verse.

And then I’ll raise my hands and make dua as honestly as I can.

One of the most powerful duas I want to repeat in these nights is the one taught by the Prophet ﷺ, Muhammad:

"Allahumma innaka ‘afuwwun tuhibbul ‘afwa fa’fu ‘anni."
O Allah, You are Most Forgiving, and You love to forgive, so forgive me.

We imagine that Laylat al-Qadr must look extraordinary. Something dramatic, something overwhelming.

But in reality it looks very simple.

A quiet room.
A tired person sitting on a prayer mat.
Hands raised in the dark.
Words spoken softly to Allah.

And that one moment can outweigh years.

So if you’re reading this with the same thought I had earlier today, I’m reminding myself of something very important and so should you.

Ramadan is not measured only by how it begins.

Sometimes the most meaningful part of the journey begins exactly when a person pauses, reflects, and decides to return with intention.

If you’re wondering where to start, here’s a simple plan:

• Write down your duas in three parts: dunya, akhirah, and for others.
• Pray Isha and Taraweeh without rushing.
• Take a short break if your body needs it.
• Wake up in the last part of the night, even if it’s just for 20 minutes.
• Pray a few quiet rak‘ahs.
• Read a few verses from the Qur'an and reflect on them.
• Make sincere dua and repeat the dua taught by Muhammad ﷺ.

• Ask Allah for forgiveness and guidance.

You never know which moment might fall on the night of Laylat al-Qadr.

May these precious nights bring your heart closer to Allah SWT.

Make the most of them… and keep me in your duas.

~ Afreen Fatima 🌙